Good developments were made this morning. I seem to be most creative in the morning. I should start doing more of my project before school rather than late at night.
Anyway, this is my reworked first verse and a potential chorus:
Verse:
As you walk through the valley of Cayuga
Though you may stumble and fall
your heart lies with your Ithaca
and she will hold you tall
Chorus:
Our Ithaca, our Ithaca
Though we may grow old
You've kept us and our hearts still bleed
the red and gold!
I'm very open to suggestions regarding the third line of the chorus. I'm not such a fan of "You've kept us", but it helps with the flow. Please comment with any suggestions!
Hi Michael,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for braving the stage and sharing your work in progress in song today--it was really beautiful!
I want to comment on a section of your word choice and offer my thoughts that in such a short piece (especially), all words must be painstakingly selected. I might encourage you to weigh your feeling about commonly used phrases. "Stumble and fall" is phrasing I've heard used repeatedly...
On another note, I would love to hear more about why you feel most creative inspiration in the morning...
Best, Ms L